THE CALL the END??

THURSDAY APRIL 17th 2008 has now become the worst day of our lives.
I thought 3 miscarriages and the tubal pregnacy we went thru were hard but this this has had us up over 30 hours doing nothing but crying.
Thursday afternoon our phone rang just seconds after Sandy left the house.
I answered the phone and on the other end was Jeff Morris, Kellie and Ann from Childrens Hope!!!
Jeff asked if Sandy was home and that they had an update on our Dossier.
My heart was racing I thought "THIS IS IT THIS IS THE CALL WE ARE FINAlLY GOING TO TRAVEL AND MEET OUR DAUGHTER" well it was the "CALL" but not the call we wanted.
Jeff told me they had just recieved a call from the repersentive in Kazakhstan and that the M.O.E. had REJECTED our dossier. I was Stunned and brought to tears!! Jeff said:
The MOE didn't understand our age difference and wondered why would someone over 50 want to adopt. Jeff stated it was a cultural difference and that the average life expectancy in Russia is only 58. There was nothing wrong with our dossier it was all about AGE. Kazakhstan is now not accepting anyone over 50 years old and that this is retro active and will effect everyone. It didn't matter the age limit was 55 when we submitted our dossier Kazakhstan rejected it, no-one over 50 and used our Dossier as a sample.
I cried and couldn't even talk, I called Sandy and couldn't even get the words out.
Childrens Hope is as stunned as we are, this is the 1st time this has ever happened to anyone.
We talked with Kellie friday morning and she felt so bad for us. This was a 1st WHY US WHY NOW, WHY after everything Sandy and I have been thru all the heartbreak and pain now only more.

I don't know how we're going to be able to tell everyone, it was so hard telling our families last night. how will I going thru a day when for the past year all we hear is "ANY WORD YET" How's the Adoption?" When are you Traveling??
We are blessed to have had so many wonderful people help us along the way and I know they will all be crushed to hear the bad news.
I can't sleep, I can't open the door to the baby room we worked so hard on. All we have to see is just one little thing we did or bought and we break down. We even tried to get out and just seeing a family with a child is to much to handle.
August 6, 2006 we 1st started think about Adoption. EVERYTHING EVERYTHING ELSE HAD FAILED this was it for us. After being turned down twice we found CHI. I worked night and day, hours, days, months almost two years working on all the paperwork involved and when it wasn't paperwork I was busy working on my house getting it ready for a little girl we wanted to name Arianna Marie Kelley.
We had so much fun shopping for clothes, paint and carpeting and the Teddy Bear boarder for her room. We bought a laptop, convertor, new clothes, the loney planet travel guide and learned some Russian.
I've sold 50-50's at work, collected coke rewards bottle caps for delta sky miles (We even dug thru the trash cans at the Cherry Fest for caps with mom) and walked an entire baseball stadium for caps. I'll never forget seeing my best friend Nick and his family coming up to me with pockets full of bottle caps the collected at the game. My co-workers even made signs and have a little container at work to put caps in for us. I don't know how we'll handle work monday. This is the 1st day I've had off all year I've been working so long and so hard giving up everything for this!! so many wasted hours, days, years.
All this work just for someone to say nope. I wonder did they even think about what people go through and how about the child wishing to have a mother and father?

ALL our hopes all our dreams all I want to be is to be a Father. Every minute for the past Two Years wasted.

We really don't know what we will do now, We have been up over 30 hours crying in total disbelief why us why now ?!?!?
Why didn't Kazakhstan reject our dossier a year ago at the embassy??
Why go thru EVERY SINGLE STEP ALONG THE WAY and there was no problem until NOW, now when we should be traveling to KAZ !!!

For now we don't know what to do 3 miscarriages, a tubal pregnancy and now this. Do we really want to start all over? can we handle more HeartBreak and Pain?
We put everything we had into this adoption and are now deep in debt with nothing to show for it except a pile of useless paperwork and lots of bills.

All we do know is it won't be Kazakhstan and if you are 50 or over talk with your agency NOW!!! WE don't want ANYONE ELSE TO EVER HAVE TO GO THRU THE PAIN WE ARE.
We may look into other options but we have put EVERYTHING into this Adoption and are back to square one, do we have the heart the will and the money start all over?

We hope the best for everyone and that no one else will have to go thru this.
One more heartbroken family and 1 more child without a mama and papa.

To the little girl who would have become our daughter: Arianna Marie I'm so sorry we tried, I can only pray someone will find you and love you as much as we would have.