Starting Over

Well tommorow we start all over, at 1:30 we meet with a caseworker for the State Wide Adoption Network to discuss our options with adopting here in Pennsylvania.
This is so hard knowing that if that call almost 2 weeks ago would have been good news we would be getting ready to travel. My guess is that we would have left thursday arrived in Kaz saturday and met our daughter Monday. It's so hard that for 15 years we have been trying and trying and trying and we don't seem any closer now than we were back then. Back in August of 2006 we started with hope and excitement now we start all over with fear and apprehension.
The past two weeks have been so hard, we hope no one else ever has to go thru what we have. Thanks so much for all the thoughts, prayers and well wishes they mean so much to Sandy and I, they give us hope and inspiration.
Since the 17th we have talked with Kellie on friday she expressed her condolences and still can't understand the reasons as to why our dossier was rejected. We are both under 55 met ALL the the requirements for Kaz and there was no issues with our dossier until it reached the Head of the MOE in Kazakhstan. CHI found out just two hours before they called us.

Now I want to get one thing straight, lot of people have asked if we are upset with Childrens Hope and blame them for this happening NO NO NO NO NO!!!
Childrens Hope International has been wonderful to us this entire time.
The only thing they did that upset us was to remove us from the blogroll less than 24 hours after we got the call. Jeff Morris called us last week to tell us how sorry he was about everything and he explained that it is CHI's policy to remove people from the blogroll, E-mail etc... so that we wouldn't recieve updates and mailings or anything that could open old woundsand upset us. I explained to Jeff that so many people follow each others blogs that as soon as we were removed from the list of waiting families our E-mail was swamped with people thinking we got the call to travel, this only made things a thousand times worse for us. This was the one time I really needed the support of others. It was a really nice talk I had with Jeff and it was a learning experience for the both of us. I learned so much and Jeff learned from me a few things that CHI can do to help any other family that this might happen to.
I know I wouldn't want to have to make that call to a family and give them the bad news, I don't think there is any RIGHT way of making that call. CHI did their best to make it easy for us and have offered their full support and prayers.
We may never fully understand the reason why the head of the MOE rejected our dossier. It just hurts so much to go thru SO SO SO SO much only to have someone say NOPE. When we read on others blogs of all the children calling people Mama and Papa and reaching out to them and how it just breaks your heart so much that you just want to take them all home and then this happens to us. WHY WHY WHY???

It upsets me that something like this happens and I read about judges making people wait months for a court date after they have bonded with a child. Two weeks of bonding and 4 months of waiting half a world away for a court date while a child has to wonder where mama and papa are! I just can't understand.
To all the children of Kazakhstan and those all over the world waiting for a MaMa and PaPa we hope your dreams come true.

If we take one thing from Childrens Hope International it's HOPE
We Hope that all will go well tommorow and that our journey will one day have a happy ending. Maybe our journey will end just a little closer to home than we thought.

All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them.
Walt Disney